


Locked Out The Other Side

by MintChocolateLeaves



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Healing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 23:24:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20379859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintChocolateLeaves/pseuds/MintChocolateLeaves
Summary: At the end of the day, Jake isn’t brave, or an adventurer. He wants to be, but he is not. He is just a sixteen-year-old boy who wants to go home.Or, on Earth-C, Jake can't find himself settling down in the same way others do. So, he decides to head somewhere that seems more like home. His own, personal adventure.





	Locked Out The Other Side

**Author's Note:**

> I binge read Homestuck in 5 days. Jake quickly became my favourite, and now we have this. I hope you will all enjoy.
> 
> Thanks to Charlie for reassuring me my characterisations weren't horrendous.  


Jake isn’t exactly sure what he’s expecting the moment he opens his eyes, but honestly, it’s not this. He’s not expecting to wake up halfway across the tiny village they now call home, with goosebumps on his arms and eyes staring up at the stars. He’s pretty sure he should be back in his new room, the one that’s bare of any movie posters, and not in the cold of the evening.

Although really, he says that it’s cold, but frankly, it’s not that much. Not really.

Sure, goosebumps are rising up his skin, but that doesn’t mean he’s not comfortable, lying here and staring up. It’s nice knowing that he’s one of the reasons these stars exist now, except, well, _not really, he didn’t really do anything and Jake knows that and-_

Oh.

Maybe lying down here looking up at the stars isn’t so comfortable after all.

He pushes himself up, blinks as he rubs at his eyes and checks to see if his phone is in his pocket. In the past, he used to text mainly with his skull-top helmet, but now that seems kind of… silly. And impractical.

Nowadays it’s just him and his phone, and honestly, Jake is surprised when pushing into his pocket shows that he does, in fact, have his phone on him. For a moment it was a little nice to think maybe, in the depths of the evening, it had been just him.

Still, his phone is here, still mostly charged, and so he takes the opportunity to check Pesterchum. He wouldn’t want to be ignoring anybody, because honestly, he’s probably a bit too skilled at ignoring people and that’s not a skill he should be condoning.

Honestly, he shouldn’t be surprised that there are none.

He scrolls down and there are messages from the day before, all of them answered in quick succession because else the same tightness in his chest would return. A message from John mentioning how they’re hosting a movie night and wouldn’t it be cool if Jake joined them? A quick hello from Roxy asking if he was going to explore a little bit with her, Jane and Dirk.

Both rejected.

It’s not that Jake doesn’t want to watch any movies, but the idea of getting together in a big group kind of leaves him feeling kind of… strange. Like, he’d probably be so focused on not making a huge fool of himself that he’d end up making a fool of himself – and even then, he wouldn’t even be watching the movie.

He’d told John maybe another time. Maybe they could watch movies with just the two of them? He kind of thinks that’d be nice.

And the whole Roxy exploration idea? Gee, it’d be cool and all, he’s always loved exploring but well. Jane hates him, and Dirk was so mad at him when they broke up and honestly, most days he thinks Roxy’s only being nice to him because she’s like, pitying him and just being polite.

His phone buzzes.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 04:21 --

GG: hi jake!!!

GG: couldnt sleep either huh

GT: Not really.

GG: that sucks :(

GG: i cant really sleep either so i was just tending to the plants were growing

GG: have you been to the green house yet

GT: Not yet.

GG: its pretty cool im growing pumpkins again

GG: remember in our letters how i was always losing pumpkins

GG: i recently found out that it was roxy who was taking them shes really cool :)

GT: Yeah.

GG: hey jake are you okay you dont seem okay :(

GT: Gosh jade i didn't mean to worry you!!

GT: I'm actually feeling quite merry right now!

GT: I woke up because it's a bit chilly in here so i'm going to get nice and toasty and head back to sleep.

GT: Sorry i can't stay and talk but an adventurer needs his sleep you know!!

GT: until tomorrow jade!

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 04:24 --

GG: ok

GG: :(

GG: im worried about you jake

GG: ill talk to you tomorrow

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 04:31 ----

Jake slips his phone back into his pocket, pushing himself up so he can hug his knees. Now that he’s firmly _not _looking at the sky and the stars, he’s staring out past their village, to the trees that seem to loom over them.

He’s not sure whether they loom because they’re so large, or whether it’s because recently he’s been feeling pretty small.

Jake isn’t entirely sure, but he doesn’t really think the difference is that large anyway, so not knowing is fine. Adventurers don’t mind not knowing things, and Jake _is _an adventurer, even if he’s not really been doing much of that recently.

Breathing out a sigh, he blinks again.

Funny how since they’ve come to Earth-C they’ve all pretty much stayed in the same area. Sure, they adventure out sometimes – like Roxy and the others, they’d been fine with looking around the immediate vicinity – but he doesn’t think that they’ve gone any further than a few miles.

Maybe because they’ve got a home here, and there’s no point searching for anything else when they’ve already got that.

The only thing is, with the busyness of this entire place, the amount of people – human, troll or carapace – Jake doesn’t really consider this place to be home. He’s got a room, and he’s got his own space, but home isn’t…

Home isn’t _this._

It is secluded, hidden away on an island that is purely his. It’s overgrown vines and mystic ruins, isolation and seclusion. It’s having the space to be on his own without ever feeling like he’s trying to _hide away._

Disappearing is something Jake’s been trying to do recently. He’s not altogether good at it, but he’s not bad at it.

Really, it’s not that he wants to disappear, but rather: Jake wants what he’s wanted since their session ended, since it even _began, _and that’s just… to go home. Earth C is so foreign to what he’s used to, that most days he thinks that maybe everything he’s remembering is gone for good.

Actually, that isn’t a half bad idea.

If it’s impossible to feel settled here, in his bare room and isolated state, nervousness swimming through him – then why doesn’t he try to find the home he remembers? This new earth is similar in a lot of ways, so he reckons he could find at least something resembling the pacific island he’d lived on.

And if he can find it, then surely, he can… settle there.

It’s not like this place is really tying him down. He doesn’t know most of the people living here well enough to be tied to them, and those he does know? Roxy, Jane, Dirk…

Well, then they have their space from him. He wouldn’t want the lot of them to be anymore pestered by him than they already have.

It’d be an adventure.

And adventurer would definitely go for it. They’d map out the lands they explored, take note of the terrains as they search for the treasure that they’re certain is out there. They’d explore everything, they’d see places that they’d never been before and goddammit, maybe Jake hasn’t been an adventurer in a while but he-

He kind of wishes he could be one now.

He wishes he believed in himself enough to be one, to take that first step and grab everything he needs, to let everyone know that he’s going to find something _great, _past this village that they’re trying to raise. Jake wishes he was brave enough for that.

But he’s come to realise that honestly, he feels more like a fake, feels more like a coward than anyone brave, so he doesn’t. He doesn’t have the courage to let everyone know, to be an adventurer who gets to go on some sort of _quest._

At the end of the day, Jake isn’t brave, or an adventurer. He wants to be, but he is not.

He is just a sixteen-year-old boy who wants to go home.

And that want is all he needs to decide to head out in search of it. It is not an adventure. It’s not some miraculous journey for him to find himself, or anything. It’s just Jake, and his head, and the thought that maybe things will feel a little better when he’s home.

* * *

It is a bright morning, the skies holding no clouds in sight, and Roxy Lalonde is ready for _action._

She’s got a lot of plans in action for today, actually, because the sun is bright and although she’s late to push herself out of bed, she’s got _things to do._

Most of the things are similar to yesterday. Help build a little more of the village up, help Jane with some baking, spend some time drawing with Callie. But today – today Roxy has a brand-new plan that she’s been musing over for a while.

Well, it’s more something she’d tried in a different way before, but today she’s pushing the issue. No longer will she skirt around it.

Roxy is going to find a way to bring their friendship group together again.

She’s been trying to subtly bring them altogether for a while now, and frankly, it’s been harder than she’d expected. Well – not really. The motion has been mostly a success.

Callie has integrated into the group easily enough, which has been _amazing. _And Jane has become much more comfortable talking with Dirk again, which is even better, because Roxy had been lowkey worried that their mutual affections would cause some bittersweet rivalry.

And Roxy herself, has managed to get over the big, awkward crush she’d tried to force onto Dirk in the past, managed to move past to a point where their conversations don’t seem as strained anymore.

There’s only one person that they’re missing and that’s Jake.

Roxy isn’t a fool, she knows when someone is dodging her attempts to bring everyone together, and Jake has been doing just that. He’s kind of a shut-in to be honest, turning down all of her promises for adventure before she even has the chance to emphasise how _awesome _they’re going to be.

But enough is enough.

Today is the day.

Roxy’s got her game on and she’s going to drag Jake out on an adventure with them today, whether he wants to or not. Even if he throws a tantrum and the entire day goes _horribly _for it, she doesn’t care.

They’re going to hang out because how else are they supposed to get over all the things they’ve said and done to each other as a group. She won’t let him remain idle while the rest of the universe moves on.

No throwing away of friendships today, no, no.

Jake lives near the end of the village, on the side nearer to the river than the forest. It’s not that far a distance from where Roxy herself lives, so she settles on walking, letting her kitten, _Frigglish the second, _pad along beside her for some exercise.

“Let’s go get Jake,” she says to the cat, leaning down to run her fingers through soft fur, grinning as the cat follows beside her. “This is going to be so, _frickin’ sweet.”_

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:05 --

TG: janey

TG: adventrue today!!!

TG: *adventure

TG: be ready okay

GG: Alright, see you soon! :B

GG: Cupcakes?

TG: hells yeah <3

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:09 --

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:10 --

TG: di-stri!!!

TG: ur adventurin wit/ us today right??

TG: u cant say no

TT: If I can’t say no, then isn’t the answer yes?

TG: exactly!!

TG: see u there

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:14 --

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:15 --

TG: jakey-boiii

\-- golgothasTerror is now an idle chum! --

TG: dammit jake

TG: were draggin you out of isolation

TG: this is a prison break

TG: we wont take no for an answer

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] stopped pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:16 --]

“You know what Frigglish the second,” Roxy says, glancing down at her cat as it pads along beside her, coming to a stop just outside the door to Jake’s house. “I think this adventure is going to be pretty epic.”

Frigglish the second lets out a small mewl that Roxy takes as agreement. Then, he lets out a second mewl that’s a slightly different pitch. Roxy implies the meaning to be one of, _knock on the door already._

Roxy does.

Knuckles rapping on the door, she offers three sharp knocks, waiting for the any signs of life behind the door. She doesn’t know much about Jake’s sleeping habits recently, but she doesn’t think he’d still be asleep at eleven in the morning. He’d always seemed like more of an early bird.

“Jake!” She knocks again, this time, several more raps echoing a jingle she remembers enjoying before they’d played Sburb. “Jakey, open the door, we’re going on an adventure!”

Jake does not open the door.

Fine, if he wants to play things that way, Roxy thinks, then she’ll just up her game. She’s not a rogue of the void for nothing.

Closing her eyes, Roxy visualises the object she wants in her mind, fingers tingling slightly as she tries to bring the object into existence. It doesn’t take too long until she feels the object plop into her hand, corporeal and weighty.

“Last chance Jake,” Roxy calls, opening her eyes again. There is no movement. “Fine, I’m coming in.”

Taking the object she’s conjured, she lifts it up to the door handle. It’s a key, brass coloured, and it fits within the hole almost as if it were the real thing. Maybe because with her powers, it pretty much is.

The door unlocks with a faint click, and Roxy pushes it open, wincing slightly at the creak. Jake’s really got to put that on his to-do list, creaks like that belong in a horror movie or something.

“Jake?”

She searches through the rooms individually, glancing around. Some areas are messier than others, but most importantly, they’re all empty. No life in sight other than Roxy and her cat.

Jake is gone.


End file.
